And I Want To Thank You
by Gohan Hug
Summary: Before I die I have to ask something of you all: Don't miss me. I'm not worth it. ANOTHER shawn angst fic. Go figure. It's sort of a vignette to 'Lose Control' One Shot


And I Want to Thank You  
  
By G.H.  
  
A/N: Shawn to Mystery dude, Shawn's P.O.V., of course. ;) I need some way to get my feelings out about being a freshan this year (As I am happy, but nervous). Uh...anyway...this story is based on "Thankyou" from Dido. Ignore the romantic undertones from the song, I really like it, and I was originally going to use "I'm still here" by John Rzeznik. It didn't fit the story very well. This is a slight turnaround from my angst streak I've been so fond of the past year, notice I said 'slight', because these are Shawn's thoughts right before I kill him off- AGAIN (read "Lose Control"). I know I sort of bashed this mystery character that Shawn's talking to in my last fic, but I really do like him at heart. You'll figure out who it is by the second sentence, trust me. Whatever, read and enjoy!  
  
And I Want to Thank You  
  
by G.H.  
  
My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why  
  
I got out of bed at all  
  
The morning rain clouds up my window  
  
and I can't see at all  
  
and even if I could it' d all be grey,  
  
but your picture on my wall it reminds me  
  
that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.  
  
You have no idea what you mean to me, do you? How many times you've helped me? Restored my confidence in myself? Where would I be without you? Certainly not here, in my nice warm dormroom, writing a letter, a letter that you'll probably get. Someone has to find me, and chances are it will be you. I don't mean to do this to you, you're my best friend, I wouldn't -couldn't- wish anything bad for you. In the letter I hold I talk about a lot of things, please don't think of me as selfish. I just don't know how else to express myself. People used to say that I had a gift, that I could write some of the best poems they'd ever seen from someone my age, and Angela helped me bring out my creative side. But she's gone, forever probably. I screwed up the second-greatest relationship in my life tonight. She won't be coming back for me this time. Gah, I'm getting selfish again. And complaining. Complaing about things that I should have been able to control before they spiraled down into the oblivion that is my soul. Heh...maybe I do have some writing talent afterall?  
  
I drank too much last night, got bills to pay,  
  
my head just feels in pain  
  
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today,  
  
I'm late for work again and even if I'm there,  
  
they'll all imply that I might not last the day  
  
and then you call me and it's not so bad,  
  
it's not so bad  
  
On that particular night that my parents had a horrible fight, you know the one. They had a lot of fights in the past, and it wasn't unusual to see them throw things at eachother. Dad actually had to go to the emergency room when I was 10 because Mom hit him with a glass dinner plate and it sliced up his arm. For whatever reason, they stayed together. For me, I guess. Then there was the night that all Hell broke loose. I really only can remember Mom storming out of the trailer door, crying, while Dad stood there with a look of pure disbelief on his face. I didn't see her for over a year, and Soon after her went my Father. He loved her enough to go after her, but he didn't love me enough to stay. After all that happened, guess who came to my rescue? You. You always helped me when things got too bad, or I needed to get away from it all. I love you like a brother.   
  
And I want to thank you for giving me  
  
the best day of my life  
  
ohh, just to be with you is having  
  
the best day of my life.  
  
I wouldn't call myself easily influenced. Not by a long shot. When I hear something I like though, I drop some of my guard and start to consider that person's ideas. Jonathan Turner had ideas that I liked. Not all the time, but ideas that I could agree with. From him I got nothing but happiness...and maybe a little aggrivation from time to time. Mr. Mac also had ideas and views that I liked. Can you imagine it? A world without Judgment, a Society filled with love instead of hate. I should have never let him do that to me, or to any of the other 'lost souls' at the Center. He didn't do anything to me physically, more just mentally. He made me doubt God, my Friends, and my Family. It took the almost-loss of a great Friend, Jon, to turn me back to the side that you guys were on, and I thought I was stronger for it.   
  
Push the door, I'm home at last and I'm soaking  
  
through and through then you handed me a towel  
  
and all I see is you, and even if my house falls  
  
down now, I wouldn't have a clue because you're  
  
near me  
  
I was wrong. I regret doing this, but things are getting to be too much. As much as it sounds cliche'd, it's true. I can't handle all this and I won't let myself become like my father, I'm too much like him already. I'd die before I'd let that happen, which is why I'm doing this. Has anyone ever told you that you have waaaay too much medicine Corey? Are you some kind of Hypocondriac? Nevermind, I shouldn't be insulting you. I'm the one who's failed at everything in life. Oh, and Angela, I've got a poem for her. Give it to her, please. It'll be attached to the letter. I've only started it, but It looks like a good one.   
  
"If only I could tell you, The way I truly feel.  
  
How much I really love you, And know that love is real.  
  
To feel you hold my hand, To know that you are there  
  
To make you understand, How much I really care...."  
  
You know how much I love her. I didn't even have to tell you, because you always knew from the beginning. Even if she doesn't love me back, I know she did at one time, and that's good enough for me. None of you will ever know the things I've just said, Because I'm just thinking it. If you were here you say some random corny joke like "You shouldn't let your mind wander off, it's much too small to be out on it's own". You always knew how to make me feel better, even if it was only by a little bit. I'm gonna miss you, Corey. Good luck for you and Topanga. I won't ever forget you guys, or Eric, Angela, Jack, and Rachael. I'll miss all of you. But before I die I have to ask you all one thing: Don't miss me. I'm not worth it.   
  
And I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life,  
  
ohh, just to be with you is having the best day of my life.   
  
And I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life,  
  
Ohh, just to be with you is havingthe best day of my life.   
  
And I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life,  
  
ohh, just to be with you is having the best day of my life.   
  
And I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life,  
  
Ohh, just to be with you is havingthe best day of my life.   
  
The End 


End file.
